I CAN!

I am tremendously blessed with such a beautiful and amazing life. Each day I thank God for giving me the privilege of living this perfect life. I say perfect because I have an even balance of success and failure. This allows me to be hit hard and celebrate even harder. With my failures comes complete success. My eyes have been opened and I have discovered a whole new side of myself that I absolutely adore. I want to shout it from the roof tops.

I have fought a battle over the past year and a half that has ripped me to the core. It has rocked my faith, my belief and most of all my hope. At the start I was faced with with 2 choices. Do I allow my heart to break or do I use this challenge to build myself up to be a better, wiser and stronger person. I knew deep down in my soul that it was time for me to open my heart to the world, place my life in gods hands and live every single day with love, peace and pure joy in my heart. Through this journey I became extremely self aware. I saw myself in a new light. I learnt to love every single part of me and never doubt my actions, words or feelings. I am proud of who I am and the person I have become. I am confident, I am happy and I am free.

I have pushed myself in the last year in ways I never thought possible. I started a business which brings me so much joy each and every day. I have exercised hard at the gym and have completed numerous goals I have set myself. In 2012 I proved to myself that nothing is impossible. I seriously can do anything that I set my mind and my heart to. This thrill, this drive, has left me wanting more. How far can I push my limits? 2013 brings new goals, new motivation and even more success.

Last week I started training. I sought out the best man for the job, pestered him until he said yes and started training towards my goals. It started out as a recovery for my back but I instantly fell in love and wanted more. Night after night I watched on You Tube the extraordinary lengths people were going through to achieve their goals and it ignited the flame. The flame became my motivation, and I'm ready to do anything it takes to create this fire. I am strong in my heart, I am strong in myself and now it's time to push and be strong in my body. I deserve it, my husband deserves it, our future children deserve it. I want to be a vision of health, love and happiness. I want my husband to look at me and be proud of how far I've come. I want my children to know that I worked every dam day, for years before they were born, to be the absolute strongest person in my mind, body and heart, for them. What I choose today is how I'm going to be tomorrow. Today I choose to be my best self for their "tomorrow"

As I started training one thing kept niggling away at me. The words I CAN'T! Before I even tried, the words left my mouth before I could even stop them. I can't lift those weights. I can't squat that bar, I can't run that hill. Well the funny thing was I did do it. My body did it, and it will continue to do it, but my mind is just a little bit slow on the up take. For the first time in over a year I self doubted myself. I let my mind make me believe something that wasn't true. I slipped into old habits. I told myself I couldn't do it so I wouldn't be hurt when I failed. You know what. I'm going to fail. I'm going to be sore, I'm going to vomit, I'm going to hurt, but every time I hit that rock bottom it's a chance for me to push my limits, get back up and prove to myself how strong I actually am.

This year as we enter into the first day of lent I am giving up the self doubt. As we celebrate Ash Wednesday I will gladly burn the words and sacrifice them out of my life. Tonight I said it out loud. I told Rob and I told A that I was not going to say those toxic words "I can't". From the minute we start from the minute we stop I will not self doubt myself.

The fact of the matter is that I CAN, so the extra 'apostrophe T' can go jump!

Peace, Love and Hope

x S.K.K x

Denying the Obvious

Remember that flirt I told you about. Well he was working all the moves that night...with more than one girl. I was young, I was inexperienced and I was jealous. I thought I lacked self confidence but when I look back, I'm proud I stood up for myself and didn't let myself be taken for a ride. At the end of the night I made him choose. I had no legs to stand on, nothing was happening but I made him choose...her or me. He said he couldn't choose because he liked us both. Jerk! Wrong answer. That was me done. I walked away and hoped into the car and never expected to see that cute, confident and irritating surfer boy again.

I did see him again. Everywhere. All the time.

I worked at our local grocery store as a check out chick. He was there, more often than not. Riding his bike down and coming in for drinks, or food, or gum. He'd be at the end of my line or waving through the window.

I studied at our local university and yep you guessed it, he was there. Sarah, Sarah he called as he was racing down the corridors to try and catch up with us. I had my group at uni. We were tight. We all worked together to avoid him but he always showed up. I was mean, but he was persistent.

I gave in some of the time and instead of brushing him off I would be polite and say hello and talk. Little did everyone know I was crushing bad inside. On the outside I had to act cool and totally not be interested in this ridiculously cute boy who brushed me off that night of our first kiss. Did I mention that I was young and stupid and stubborn?

Somewhere in the mix of work and uni and the occasional run in with the cute surfer I had a party. It was my 20th birthday. I was in a long term relationship with my (at the time) boyfriend. Through friends of friends cute surfer boy got invited. It was a black and white themed party with a dress code. He turned up in jeans and no t-shirt. Bare chest to a cocktail night at my house! It's the little things you remember, but man he stood out. I would soon learn that this is his trademark look. He wished me happy birthday and kissed me on the cheek. He gave me a rose and birthday card. The card still sits in my drawer to this day. I kept it, even though I had a boyfriend, even though I never had any intention of seeing him again. I kept it.

That party was a turning point for me. The way I felt when he kissed my cheek I just can not describe to you. I held on for a few more months to the relationship I was in and gave it a fair go. In the end we both knew it was over. My heart wasn't in it. It belonged to someone else. I just didn't know who...or did I?

x S.K.K x

Riding in Cars with Boys

It was an 18th birthday party. Saturday night on the 14th of December 2002! We had all finished year 12 and I was at the blossoming age of 16. My best friend and I got dropped to B.A's house and were ready for a good night! We laughed, we sung, we danced and we partied our little butts off. We didn't drink alcohol back then. It was just pure, innocent fun. 

There was a boy there. B.A's best friend. He went to another school so we hadn't met him. He was cute. I mean really cute. It was instant school girl crush and I had it bad. He was my ultimate 'surfer' dream boy. Blonde hair, blue eyes, he worked it all. He moved through the party like he was everyone's best friend. He talked and laughed with everyone he met. His confidence took over the party and his spark shone so bright I was hooked...and a little intimidated. Our paths crossed throughout the night and we got talking. He was so different to all the boys I met through my schooling. He was an old soul with a sprinkle of boyish charm. There was something about him that intrigued me. 

A group decided to drive up the road to another party so my best friend, cute surfer boy and I jumped in the back. We sat next to each and got talking again, and by talking I mean flirting. Oh my goodness was this cute surfer boy a flirt. He offered me a drink of his can. This is the moment that I will remember forever. 

As I lent in to take a sip of his drink he swiftly pulled it away, grabbed my chin and kissed me. Smooth! 

There was that boyish charm. He had me, hook, line and sinker. 10 years later and this kiss still gives me butterflies. I will remember this car ride forever. This special moment has been set in stone in my memory and will live forever in my heart.  

It was the start of our journey.

 It was the spark that lit the flame of our romance. 

This car ride is the first page in our story. Our Love Story 

x S.K.K x