Our original plan was to start in January 2014. We were going to finish out 2013 with a bang, borrow the money and begin our IVF journey in the new year. Somehow I had managed to save the cash and my period was starting in 3 days so there was literally nothing stopping us. We had no time to think about it. No time to worry or stress or back down. We made the quick decision and we were starting IVF in 3 days!
Three days! That is all we had to get our heads in the game.
My period, for the first time in months, was a day late so our IVF cycle actually started on the 28th. I had my bloods taken and my Doctor did a routine internal ultrasound. I started with 10 follicles. 5 on my right ovary and 5 on my left ovary. My lining was 3mm. He was happy and we were ready to start. I picked up all of my medications and it was go time.
On the 30th of November 2013 I did my first injection. There is NOTHING that can prepare you for the injections...except for me telling you that YOU WILL GET THROUGH! I had the biggest tantrum and meltdown of my life. Literally. Took me 20 minutes to do my first injection. It was purely mental but I could not do it. This was the exact moment I was dreading. The moment I had played over and over in my head! How does one take a needle and inject themselves. I never had a fear of needles until I was told I had to do IVF. My mind was fixated on this one hurdle and I could not move past it. I cried, I yelled, I swore at myself, I pep talked to myself but nothing could make my hand push that needle into my body. I knew the minute I injected there was no turning back. That was it. It was hard for me to let go of the person I worked hard to be. I had worked my ass of to make my mind and body strong for this very moment and the second that needle went inside me I knew that it would all be tested and I had to fight the biggest fight of my life.
It was the HARDEST and EASIEST thing I have ever done in my life. It was a massive mind battle but once I got over the fight it was simple. It took me 3 days to emotionally deal with the injections. Each time I did it I cried. I would wake up at 5.30am every morning, take the needle, then go back to bed and silently cry myself back to sleep. It wasn't fair that I had to do this. It stung most days. Not the needles but the medication inside my body. Not bad but just enough to make me be uncomfortable and be a massive rub of salt in the wound. I was a good person. I did everything right. I lived peacefully, ate healthily and kept my body fit and strong and here I was having to do this. It was hard to come to terms with emotionally but I got there.
In the end I knew that...
Peace, Love and Hope
x S.K.K x
