Tuesday, May 28, 2013

New Day, New Beginnings.

I have a positive mind, love in my heart, peace in my soul and now it's time to put all of this strength into my body.

I'm a very positive person. I haven't always been, but over the past 4 years I've been on an awesome journey of self discovery and have truly found the meaning of my life. I'm only 27 and I feel I am very lucky to be able to say that I am truly happy and at peace with myself. I know this will change. I know as I grow older I will be tested, far beyond my comprehension, but right now this 27 year old married woman is content. I use my blog to portray this. I sincerely believe that what you put out you get back. Why not share the love, peace and happiness I feel in my heart with everyone around me. My life is full of rainbows and butterflies and I have a love affair with adjectives. Everything in my world is special, gorgeous, fabulous, wonderful and exciting and that's how it should be.

I have a positive mind. Everything I think is positive. I never once let a negative thought take over me. If something bad happens I’ll talk it out with my husband or best friend and always, and I mean always, look at the best possible outcome. Everything happens for a reason. You can't see the rainbow without the storm. I have the greatest love in my heart. The empathy and love that I feel to everyone around is sometimes overwhelming. Family, friends, strangers, it's all the same. No matter who they are or what they are going through I will love them with everything I have and hope that I can make them see what a truly amazing person they are. Love is the strongest and greatest gift of all. I feel complete peace within my soul. Every day I wake up completely thankful and grateful for this amazing life I lead. I have no worries, no regrets and I feel free. I notice the little things and make every single moment count. Remember to stop and appreciate those special moments, they will be the memories that last forever.

Imagine the hurt, confusion and disbelief when I started doubting myself. I worked so hard in becoming the person that I am and one silly little thought could have thrown that all away.
 

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 I started at the gym exactly a year ago. I needed a safe place for me to run at night. I wanted to be a runner. Desperately! I loved pushing my body and seeing how far it could go. I didn't get very far as the classes and diversity of the gym took over and I fell in love with dynamic of the typical 'gym life'. My running goals went out the window and I focused all my time and energy into having fun with exercise. I pumped, combated, cycled and body balanced my way through a year of fun. I'm so grateful for this past year; I fell in love with exercise. This is hard for some people, but I wanted the gym to be something that I wanted to do and not something I have to do. I didn't have any goals. I didn't want to lose weight. I just went 4 times a week and had fun.

Then in November 2012 I competed in Warrior Dash. I had every intention to train for this event but I just kept doing my thing at the gym. The event rocked my world and I proved to myself that I should never underestimate my abilities. I walked the course but smashed the obstacles. It ignited a fire inside me that totally threw me off course. Then and there I knew I wanted to see what my body could do. I knew I had more in me than just the classes at the gym. It took a while to co ordinate and organise but finally a couple of months ago I started 'training'.

Now every Tuesdays and Thursdays I work my butt off. I have the best trainer possible and he pushes me to my limits. I've never dedicated myself to something that is completely not me. It is so totally out of my comfort zone yet I absolutely love it. I started with the basics of strength training and metabolic conditioning and am working my way up. My first week was hard and weird. After my first session I thought what the hell was I doing? This wasn't me. I should be at the gym doing dance classes not lifting weights and squatting. This really threw me. I had fun, heaps of fun, yet my mind slipped and the self doubt was taking over. The negative self talk was horrible and the worst part about it all was that I started to believe it. I knew I had to make a choice. Believe the negativity and believe I couldn't do it and just go back to my 'usual' or make a change! Then and there I made a promise to myself that self doubt will never ever happen again and the words 'I can't' would never leave my mouth! A lot of other words that cannot be mentioned have definitely left my mouth during these sessions and a lot of groans and yells, but never “I can't”! 

The sessions are easy but training alone is the hardest! Sometimes I avoid it. I tell you what, our minds are so dam powerful and can make us believe anything! Last night I was running and was literally fighting with myself for a whole kilometer. My legs were fine, I was a bit puffed but I was fine but the negative self talk started to take over. "What the hell was I doing? Who cares about running and lifting and exercise? Just get home to bed and watch tv and give up all this crap!" This is literally what was going though my mind last night while running through my 2nd kilometer. I was on my own. I had faced a massive day at Kindy and given them my all and I had very little left to give to myself. I wanted to keep going but the 'talk' took over and it bloody won. I stopped! For the first time in a couple of months, half way through my run, I stopped and I fell to the grass and cried. Uncontrollably just cried. I had never stopped before and here I was, after only 2.3km of running, giving up and letting my goals fall into the black hole. I didnt want to do it anymore. I fight very day for my goals. Every. Dam. Day. Its hard. No one knows how hard it is. I live an amazing life but I work my absolute butt of for it.

I think last night I needed to fall. Unfortunately it was literally, but I needed to fall. I needed to hit the floor and reassess what was going on around me. Life is an absolute dream at the moment and I am in a complete ball of happiness but I am so thankful that last night I broke down. It really showed me what I want, who I have around me supporting me, and how I'm going to get there. It really showed me the courage and strength that has grown inside me and I was truly proud of how I deal in the most difficult of situations. I'm not afraid to share it either. Yes I keep life positive and every day is truly a blessing and I share this with my family and friends and here on my blog but I think its also important so share the bad. Share the moments of sadness. We are all human. Life isn't perfect 100% of the time and I want to show you this. Last night in a desperate night I opened up and shared my pain, my set backs and my hurt. It felt good to show that yes life is ridiculously amazing but sometimes we all just need that time to fall. 

Today is a new day and I feel more refreshed than ever. I've fallen, Ive cried, I've slept and woken up to a brand new day. I have a smile on my face, love in my heart and that passion has been lit again!


Here's to new beginnings!

Self doubt can go jump because I’ve totally got this!


Peace Love and Hope
x S.K.K x

9 comments:

Bachelor Mum said...

Sounds like u needed that break, just to stop and be still, and to look around. Sometimes we miss things when we r too focused. x

Take Charge Becc said...

Wow. I have never known anyone who can be positive all the time, so to do this for 4 years is baffling.
My mind is like the night you fell. I try hard to be positive and often I succeed but there are many times where the mind takes over and it takes a while for me to catch myself.
It sounds like you are back on track and that is a great thing.
You go girl!
Becc @ Take Charge Now

minsmash.com said...

I wish I had the wisdom you have at your age. I'm two decades older and am only just now learning to be present and not let my mind control me. I think to fall occasionally is a good thing. There are always lessons in a fall. Love your positivity :-) Min xo

Meagan @ cider in the sun said...

I love this "Self doubt can go take a jump because i've totally got this" !!!!

Love your positivity.. this year had dealt me blows but i am feeling more positive than ever before! I am glad you are back from your little fall..

I think we need those little stumbles to appreciate it all.

I havent been to your blog before, but now I have, I WILL be back!!

Eleise Hale said...

What a great post! I struggle to keep up the positivity every day! Sometimes you need to catch your thoughts!

Stacey-Lee said...

The mind is a very powerful thing. Sounds like you can normally move it in the direction you need, great positivity

Josefa Pete said...

What a powerful post - sometimes it takes moments of doubt and no will power to make us truly appreciate how hard we do work and how much we do achieve. Love your positivety!
Josefa from #teamIBOT xx

EssentiallyJess said...

That's incredible that you can be positive so consistently, and seeing the effects of allowing negative thinking to come in, will probably make you try even harder to stay positive.
But it's ok to fall sometimes. xx

Emily @ Have a laugh on me said...

Go you! Being positive makes life so much happier! Emily6