They say a picture speaks a thousand words...
As we drove away from my HSG scan on Wednesday the 11th of September I snapped this photo and it literally speaks every raw emotion both of us were feeling. Finally I had proof behind my gut feeling. I always knew. Deep down. Maybe this is what helped me through the 2 years of trying. Why I didn't allow myself to get upset over it. Why I took those 2 years and made every single moment count. I knew, deep down, that it would be a fight and I made sure I was dam ready. Rob was quiet. Very quiet. I kept asking and pushing and trying to get inside his head. I could tell he was angry. He kept saying "it just sucks" and you know what...it absolutely does.
My tubes are blocked. The egg couldn't meet the sperm. There was a blockage in the system and even though we prayed, hoped and wished every day there was just no chance of us conceiving our baby naturally. Not now anyway. Maybe in the future...but not now.
On the 17th of September, with guidance from our Doctor, we made a decision. Our lives will be taken over and for the first time Rob and I will have to take a deep breath, tie our hearts together and gently place our lives, health, dreams and future in to someone else's hands.
This is it. Our new path. IVF. We are now trusting the amazing magic of science to bring us our baby. It is so hard to comprehend sometimes. A man or woman will 'help' us create our family. I now have to shift my faith and let a complete stranger play God. What a ride we are about to take. A roller coaster ride that will take us to our highest of highs and our lowest of lows. We are ready. I have never been more ready to take on anything in my entire life. How many emotions can you feel in a single moment? Well I'm feeling every single one of them and more. I feel eager to take on this new challenge, angry that we will have to go to extreme measures to pay for our journey, nervous about injecting myself but above all undeniably, heart pounding and hand shakily excited to think that within a year or 2 we will have our baby. I would pay a million dollars and inject a million times over to hold our miracle in our arms.
In a single moment our lives changed forever. "Let's do IVF" These 3 words hold so much fear and pain yet so much love and hope. We've got this. We've totally got this. With our strength, love, stubbornness and heart aching hope for our baby we've totally got this...together
Peace, Love and Hope
x S.K.K x