They say a picture speaks a thousand words...
As we drove away from my HSG scan on Wednesday the 11th of September I snapped this photo and it literally speaks every raw emotion both of us were feeling. Finally I had proof behind my gut feeling. I always knew. Deep down. Maybe this is what helped me through the 2 years of trying. Why I didn't allow myself to get upset over it. Why I took those 2 years and made every single moment count. I knew, deep down, that it would be a fight and I made sure I was dam ready. Rob was quiet. Very quiet. I kept asking and pushing and trying to get inside his head. I could tell he was angry. He kept saying "it just sucks" and you know what...it absolutely does.
My tubes are blocked. The egg couldn't meet the sperm. There was a blockage in the system and even though we prayed, hoped and wished every day there was just no chance of us conceiving our baby naturally. Not now anyway. Maybe in the future...but not now.
On the 17th of September, with guidance from our Doctor, we made a decision. Our lives will be taken over and for the first time Rob and I will have to take a deep breath, tie our hearts together and gently place our lives, health, dreams and future in to someone else's hands.
This is it. Our new path. IVF. We are now trusting the amazing magic of science to bring us our baby. It is so hard to comprehend sometimes. A man or woman will 'help' us create our family. I now have to shift my faith and let a complete stranger play God. What a ride we are about to take. A roller coaster ride that will take us to our highest of highs and our lowest of lows. We are ready. I have never been more ready to take on anything in my entire life. How many emotions can you feel in a single moment? Well I'm feeling every single one of them and more. I feel eager to take on this new challenge, angry that we will have to go to extreme measures to pay for our journey, nervous about injecting myself but above all undeniably, heart pounding and hand shakily excited to think that within a year or 2 we will have our baby. I would pay a million dollars and inject a million times over to hold our miracle in our arms.
In a single moment our lives changed forever. "Let's do IVF" These 3 words hold so much fear and pain yet so much love and hope. We've got this. We've totally got this. With our strength, love, stubbornness and heart aching hope for our baby we've totally got this...together
Peace, Love and Hope
x S.K.K x
26 comments:
You are both amazing & strong people, we are so blessed to call you both our friends, you will get your dream - you deserve this.
I love you & I know you will be ok!
xo
At least now you know why it's been so hard for you to fall.. At least now you have a new game plan and no doubt will be holding that precious little baby in your arms before you know it!
It's amazing what they can do these days.. you deserve it and I can tell you're going to be an amazing mother!
Good luck with the next stages!
Love reading your progress! xo
Wow how brave and bold of you not only do to through this but share your journey. Best of luck honey.
My husband and I struggled for 4 years to have a child and after surgery, fertility treatments, and several losses we were able to have one. Now, two years later we're back to square one with our attempt at a 2nd child. I am looking forward to following your journey, I know it'll work out for you. :)
Best of luck to you!!! All the heartache & work will be worth it once you have a sweet baby to cuddle :)
Oh my, what an amazingly honest piece. Love and hugs for your heartbreaking news. I'm sending all my prayers to you for positivity moving forward xo
Tara @ Hand Me My Sanity
I really hope it doesn't take you long to hold that miracle Sarah. You're such a wonderfully strong person xx
Sarah you are such an amazing inspiration. Stay strong and positive and know that I am here cheering you on. I wish you and Rob every ounce of luck that your dreams come true. Much love, Mrs D
Best of luck on this new stage in your journey xx
Such a lovely photo of you both, separately! I'm sure that we would have taken this option also - I look forward to supporting and following your IVF journey!
Praying for you sweets. What great faith you have. I hope things go smoothly and can't wait to here more! xx
Hi Sarah - what clinic ru with? I too have blocked tubes and have had 6 ivf attempts. Prepare for a long road ahead and know that it truly is out of your hands! Good luck. A
Hi Anonymous please email me at sarah_kate25@hotmail.com :-) Would love to talk to you about it and can let you know where we are at :-)
Thank you so much beautiful Linny! So glad to have you back :-)
Thank You so much for your love and support!
Thank you so much Emma!! Means a lot for your support!
I couldn't do this with out you! Thank you so much! We are so lucky to have you and Trent in our lives!
Oh thank you so much Jodes! Yes it really is truly amazing what they can do! I can't believe our baby will be created outside of my body! Amazing!
Thank You so much! Means a lot for your words of support!
Oh I'm so glad you got your angel and I will be thinking of you as you go through the journey to get your second baby :-) all the luck in the world to you! Xx
Oh it sure will! I can't even imagine how I feel but I know that all this will be worth it! Thank Yiu for reading and commenting :-)
Thank you so much Mrs D! It means so much to me that you read this and took the time to write to me! I'm so grateful to still have contact! Thank You for your beautiful words!
Thank you so much Tara! Your prayers and support means the world to me!
Thank You so much Jess! I can't wait for that moment!
I stumbled across you posts from Pinterest. I was surprised how recent it is. I know your pain a bit. In December of 2012 at 28 years old I went through menopause. Premature ovarian failure, would need IVF with an egg donor to become pregnant. We start testing in a couple weeks. We decided to wait a bit one to save money and also just to mentally be prepared for the difficult road ahead. I look forward to your posts. I try to keep mine up to date also. Bet of luck to you.
and with prayers from others and the strength and grace of God. You two will have that baby you've always wanted. Prayers going out to you and thinking of you during this journey.
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