Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Our Plumbing Problem

Trying to conceive our baby has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I am so proud, and in all honesty shocked, at the way Rob and I have dealt with our journey. We have become strong and we have never ever given up hope. That's hard to do when going through this situation but we have broken the 'stereotype' and taken this head on...together. One thing we decided from early on was that we would not let this affect our every day lives. We didn't want to let 'trying for a baby' consume our lives. We wanted our baby to be a blessing for us and never once be a negative experience. In the entire 2 years of trying for our miracle we never once made 'sexual intercourse' about baby making. We never did the 'baby dance', we never watched the clock and scheduled our 'bed times'. We agreed that our baby would be made through love and not structure. Saying that statement now is just beyond hilarious given what we are about to go through but at the time it was about Rob and I and creating a baby out of love, peace and hope. 

We tested early on in our journey. I peed on a few sticks. I am very lucky that my cycle is spot on to the day so in the early months I would test 5 days early even 7 days early but always with a negative. I had 3 phantom pregnancies. 3 months when I would feel exhausted, hungry, all the 'typical pregnancy' symptoms and then my period would be late. These days we became excited. My heart stopped, I held my breath and prayed to god for it to be true. I knew deep down it wasn't but I hoped. God knows I hoped. Eventually we stopped testing. We simply waited for my period. It always came. Spot on, on the day. Complete with uncomfortable weight gain, unbearable cramps and terrible acne. Just that extra little salt to rub on the wound. 

We agreed that it wasn't our time. We had so much to look forward to and going on in our lives that we felt at peace that it wasn't our time. We had dreams to fill, goals to reach and an awesome life to live. It was at this moment that I completely surrendered our lives and placed our journey in Gods hands. We had tried. We had tried our absolute hardest. We gave that little sperm and egg a chance to meet every other day for months and it didn't work.

I had a random appointment with my doctor and the topic of babies came up and she wanted to take all my blood work just to make sure. It had only been 6 months but she didn't want to wait. My bloods came back low. My iron was so low again it was bordering on anemia and a few other hormonal levels were unacceptable. My levels were so low that even if I did get pregnant my body would not be able to support the pregnancy and I would miscarry. I knew it was time to take action and get my body in the best shape possible so I could nurture our baby in the best possible way! God was giving me time so I took every dam second and made it count. 

I made my body healthy. Medication free. I raised every single level that was low by using specific foods. I am not against medication but I chose to heal myself naturally. I am only young and I know that some day I would have to rely on medication to get me through a tough time. Little did I know that time would be right around the corner, but then, while I could, I chose natural over the pills. I literally cried when I went back months and months later and found out all my levels were perfect. I beat it. Naturally. I fought hard and worked my butt off and I beat it. Using wholesome clean foods and exercise. I was proud. Rob was proud. I still didn't get pregnant but I changed my life and I knew that when the moment came, when we got the news we were pregnant with our miracle, I would be ready and my body would be ready. 

Another year passed and we still didn't have our baby. I was focused on keeping my mind positive, my body healthy and our lives happy. Days and months flew by. We were reaching our goals and living out our dreams. Life was perfect and we knew that God had a plan. After a year and a half of trying, a year and a half of periods and a year and a half of "we aren't pregnant" thoughts we waved our white flag, admitted defeat, gave in and went to see a doctor together. Rob was tested. Perfect. I was tested...again. Perfect. All of our 'stats' were perfect. I ovulated beautifully and on time and robs babies were strong. I tested negative for Polycystic Ovary Disease and Endometriosis. We knew testing had to start getting serious and so our next step was to find a fertility specialist. 

We searched long and hard and even had an appointment with one that we didn't feel comfortable with. A beautiful lady pointed us in the right direction and we finally found our doctor...Dr K. He was warm, welcoming and funny. He didn't bullshit and got down to business. He was our type of guy. He tested us all over again. All positive. The eggs were there and the sperm were there but they just weren't meeting. "There is something wrong with your plumbing" ...told you he was 'hilarious'. Dr K bought something to our attention that neither I or Rob had even thought of. He was concerned about my previous surgery. In 2008 I had abdominal surgery that involved a lot of moving, cutting, pulling out and putting back together of all my abdominal organs. He talked to my surgeon and sent me for a hysterosalpingogram or HSG scan. 

I was told it was an X-ray and went in thinking I was getting a simple X-ray of my abdo done. Nope, wrong, completely way off. Sitting in a tiny cubicle naked with a tiny sheet wrapped around me I lost it. Reading through the paperwork and having to sign saying I agreed to a procedure I had no clue about pushed me over the edge. A beautiful nurse sat me down and went through the whole thing with me and got Rob to come give me a cuddle. When I was ready to go in poor Rob wouldn't leave me, but after a reassuring smile and a push from the nurse he reluctantly went back to the waiting room. 

When going for a HSG scan or a simple X-ray as I was told you are not alone. You have a surgeon, 2 nurses and a radiologist all there with you looking after your vagina, cervix and uterus. They've got it covered. During the scan the surgeon will insert a speculum and then a cannula. Dye is flushed through the cannula into your cervix and out through your Fallopian tubes. It didn't hurt at all. I was in no pain or discomfort. They kept asking me every 10 seconds if I was ok but I was totally fine. The aim of the scan is for the dye to go through the Fallopian tubes so they can take an X-ray. If there is a blockage the dye will stop or thin out and they can take an X-ray of this. While laying there naked with a stranger all up in my business and 3 ladies watching on I watched the screen as he inserted the dye and every hope of conceiving our baby naturally slowly faded away. The dye went no where. He inserted the balloon, pumped and tried to force the dye but it went no where. They took photos and all left me lying there to go to the room to have a closer look. They were quiet. They didn't need to be gentle with me I knew what was going on and I could take it. They came back and tried the procedure again. Balloon pumped, cannula filled and nope...nothing. That dye was going no where. 

2 years of hope, 2 years of waiting, 2 years of wondering.
We finally had our answers.
Ironically enough, the plumbers wife does have a problem with her plumbing.

Peace Love and Hope

x S.K.K x 


Rhianna SG said...

Oh lovely that must have been awful for you. Sending lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way

Belinda said...

I am sorry that you have to go through this- I wish I had known, but I am so proud of your optimistic outlook on it, I know you will be fine!
Love you. x

sarah said...

I am a newish reader to your blog Sarah, but you have me hook,line and sinker! I am so looking forward to watching you achieve your dream of being a mother, your road may be longer then others, but the reward at the end will be sweeter because of it. Sarah x

Julie said...

Infertility is hard. We were there for 2 years too (and incredibly, then had 4 kids in 4.5 years!). Love how you are putting it all in God's hands. Blessings to you.

Zanni Louise said...

Oh...Big Love and Hugs! xx

Stephanie Jefferson said...

It must be good to now know what has been the issue so far. Continue to trust God's plans for you!

Annaleis Topham said...

You wrote this beautifully. Trying for a baby without any actual problems is stressful enough without adding what you have gone through. Sounds like your husband and now family are with you supporting you x

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a truly awful procedure, I'm glad it was able to yield some useful information for you. Best of luck with the next stage of your journey xx

Courtney said...

Oh sweet Sarah! I am praying for you! You are a FEARLESS OVERCOMER! I am holding you close to my heart!

Veronica Lee Burns said...

Oh my gracious I almost started balling. My heart breaks for you! I know the Lord has bigger plans than our own and I hope you can rest in that peace. Hugs of comfort sent your way sweet lady!

Heather Louise said...

I'm so sorry you got bad news. I'm sure they will be able to help you out, sending you lots of luck! xxx

Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me said...

Sarah that is heart breaking to hear, however, knowing is better than not right? Now you have the knowledge to proceed with an idea of the challenges you are facing. But still sucks and must be very sad, and make sure you embrace that pity party - you deserve it, we all need to have those poor me moments so we can move on - Emily

EssentiallyJess said...

Oh Sarah, I don't even know what to say!
Except that blocked plumbing is actually not an issue for God. He is much, much bigger than blocked plumbing, and He still has a plan.
I believe He's going to heal you from this, and give you that baby. Don't lose faith xxx

Ayedee_ttc said...

I came across your blog from a post on Instagram, it grabbed my attention immediately because soon I will undergo an HSG exam. I am both scared and afraid, but reading your blog has given me some insight as to how the exam will go. I am glad you are sharing your experiences, for maybe, I too will do the same.