Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Terrible Time

This was me 3 years ago after a simple every day surgery turned into a 3 month nightmare! I woke one morning and could not walk - the pain in my ankle was so bad I could not put any weight on it what so ever! I called in sick and stayed in bed that day! The pain got worse and I also noticed pain in my chest and my belly! I was very weak so I decided to just sleep it off. 2 days later the pain was still there in my stomach and up into my chest so mum insisted she take me to the doctor! This was Wednesday - public holiday here in Brisbane for our annual show - the EKKA. I was poked and proded and examined and she couldn't find anything. She sent me off to the emergency as the pain was bad and she couldn find anything without 'machine' help. bahhhh last thing I felt like doing. But off we went - I was hungry and just wanted to go home. I hadn't eaten all day but I still wasn't allowed to as I had to have all of the tests at the hospital. Xrays - ultra sounds - MRI - Cat scans - all showed nothing.  It was 7.00pm and I was starving and they finally were letting me go home - oh how I was dreaming of mac and cheese!!!! 5 minutes later another doctor came in and said I was going in for surgery in 10 minutes so suit up! What a whirl wind!!! 1 minute I was going home - next I was putting on the sexy paper undies ready for surgery! They suspected appendicitis so didn't want to run the risk of it bursting. I could handle that. no troubles...quick 40 minute key hole surgery and out the next day.

4 hours later I was back in my room and all I heard was "midnight' and "tumor" I was alone and totally out of it but all I registered was that I had been in surgery for 4 hours and I had cancer - have I mentioned before that I'm a drama queen!!! The next morning and a meeting with my surgeon revealed that yes my surgery had taken 4 hours because once they went in to get my appendix out they found a tumor on my bowel so they had to remove it. It was non cancerous. A week of torture followed this! After the doctor left I was bathed by a nurse! I couldn't move on my own and was still pretty out of it and I actually let a stranger shower me! I know this is normal but not for me! The minute my mum came I didn't let her go! I was a sook. I was not strong! I didn't push through! I didn't rise above. I sunk low. I held on to my mummy for support and totally depended on her for everything. I had never been hit hard and this hit me god dam hard! I let it over come me and I didn't try to help myself at all! I couldn't roll, sit up, laugh, walk or do anything for myself! They cut straight through my stomach and this bloody hurt! I know mums do this every single day after having C sections but I wasn't a mum and I didn't have a baby...just a big huge ugly scar across my stomach and a diet of apple juice and jelly! I wasn't allowed to eat for 7 days....7 days....I was friggen angry...nurses, mum, everyone was telling me I had to be strong, I had to do things for myself, I had to walk to the toilet ummmmm how bout you get starved for 7 days and then see if you have any single tiny ounce of energy left in your body to pick yourself up and walk around a ward! I was angry, I was upset, I was sore. I just wanted to go home and EAT!!! I also had massive allergic reactions to a pain killer YYYUUKKKK and totally tripped out on the morphine. Every time I shut my eyes little monkeys would swing my cords around. I also thought my body was a donut and when my dad hugged me I thought jam and cream was getting spurted out of my body - needless to say the morphine was taken straight off me. I was so mean to my mummy! But I needed her! 7 days she stayed with me and did not leave me once! She slept on a cot beside my bed! I was 22 but needed her like I was 2! I am eternally grateful for such a special person in my life! My dad also traveled every day by train from teh gold coast to sit by my side. Not intrude, not interrupt but be there for me. I'm a very lucky girl!

Long story short - it was a horrible experience and at the time I was not strong. I often wonder if that happened to me now would I act differently! Would I use my motivational tools to look positively on the situation and coach myself into recovering better and quicker and easier and happier! There are so many more things that happened in that week and the following few but as I found when I was typing it makes me angry! I dont know why, but it did, and I'm sure that came out in some of my writing! The reason I bring this story up is because I am having a few complications and I have to go back to my surgeon to see if anything is wrong resulting from the surgery! I have an appointment on Wednesday afternoon so wish me luck that all is ok! I also have to have a colonoscopy which I am not looking forward to but I am trying to be strong and I WILL NOT let my mind take over my body like it did in that hospital 3 years ago!

A terrible time but I have a huge scar across my body to constantly remind me that I got through it and 
I was ok. 
I didn't ever think I would!  
Even though times are bad and times are tough we always get through it! 
Even when the journey is terribly atrocious! ;-)

x S.K.K x


Claire Chadwick @ Scissors Paper Rock said...

Oh gosh, what a scary time for you Sarah!! You have come such along way in the past 3 years, and you'll be surprised how much you've learned from that scary experience & how much you've grown from it!
Good Luck with the app!!!! All my fingers & toes are crossed that everything is ok!

Cat from Raspberry Rainbow said...

Look how far you have come in only 3 years! You will do great this time. I hope all is revealed to be well, take care, Cat.

Bella_K said...

Oh my gosh, how horrible!! I would be so scared; I had my appendix removed last year http://bellainbindyland.blogspot.com/2010/11/sick-of-being-sick-operation-get-bindy.html

It is no fun, I could not imagine going through what you went through! I was like that with my Mum too!!
Hope you are ok now!!
XoXo. B