A Numbers Game

Numbers numbers numbers are all going through my head and I am not sure whether I should care or not. The fact of the matter is that I don't, but I feel I should. Why bust my ass at the gym 4 times a week if I don't care about the numbers that come with it. In life generally I'm a numbers girl. I like special dates and times and get disturbingly excited when my kilometer reading on my car makes a cool number pattern. But when it comes to my weight I have never cared. I think this has come from my mum. She has always made me believe that I am beautiful and perfect the way I am and I guess I was lucky growing up without any weight issues. I never remember seeing a set of scales in my childhood home and to this day I have never owned a set. Now that I'm at the gym and I'm surrounded by people on challenges and loosing wight and running distances, I kind of get caught up in the 'game' and start looking at my goals and my 'numbers' .

Here are my numbers from my first week at the gym.

Weight - 66 kilograms 

Body Fat - 33.7%

Fluid - 47%

Stomach - 88 cm

Metabolic Age - 36

I was happy with these. Not too high that I needed to be worried but it showed I had room to grow...well shrink...and to work on. I wrote down these numbers in my diary and didn't think of them again until today. As I said I'm not a numbers girl! Today I had my follow up to see how I was going. Here are my numbers today

Weight - 61 kilograms

Body Fat - 32.4%

Fluid - 47%

Stomach - 86 cm

Hips - 6 cm lost!

Metabolic Age - 34

Today I cared. I cared about the numbers. On the way home I held in the tears. Tears that the numbers should have been smaller and I should have seen more of a drastic drop. Tears that I cared. Tears for all the people out there that are on a fitness journey, as at that moment, I felt the hurt and disappointment in myself that most of these people would experience. People who care about the numbers, people who are driven by the numbers, how do they keep going when there is no change. Then I got home and caught a glimpse in the mirror! F**K the numbers I look awesome! I look happy and healthy and I AM smaller! Numbers shmumbers. They don't define me! Not one little bit! I laugh at myself, that for 10 minutes, I let them get to me. It is what you feel on the inside and how you look to yourself in that mirror that counts. Its not about what anyone else thinks or what's written on the paper. Why should we base our confidence on numbers that are written down?

Ive been taking photos of myself every 3 weeks to see the change in my body. To show myself and remind myself of how far I have come. This is what I care about. This is what matters to me. I see change almost daily and this is what I focus on...not the numbers. I see toning and definition. I'm more comfortable in jeans and tight singlets and yes I can definitely notice the 6 cm that has been lost from my hips! 

Picture 1 was taken 4 weeks ago - Picture 2 was taken on Monday

 I am proud of these photos and although it's scary to post this, and share it all with you, I want to take you on my journey. I want to show you that it's not about the numbers, it's about how you look and feel. I'm not perfect but I'm happy!

I will continue to weigh and measure every month and write them down in my diary because change is change and I want to record every aspect but...

I WILL NOT FOCUS ON THE NUMBERS - I LOOK BEAUTIFUL IN THAT MIRROR!

x S.K.K x